5 things we should have learnt in the classroom

I feel so blessed to have been given one of the greatest gifts in life, an education. But of course, many of our essential life skills have developed through our own personal experiences. There are a few though, that I wish I had prepared for or been given a bit of prior knowledge about, like these...

1. Body image

Let's start with the most obvious for me. I wasn't necessarily 'taught' in school that body image and appearance was important, but that narrative around me was very clear. In high school, I'm sure many of us can relate to the feeling of wanting to be beautiful. The mere idea of not wearing makeup terrified me. I remember topping up my makeup between lessons and always feeling anxious about undressing in the PE changing rooms. Never once, did I hear that I was enough or that I didn't need to change my appearance to be worthy or successful. I really think that narrative needs to be spoken about more in school to remind us and embed that attitude within us. In this age of social media body image needs to be addressed because of the mass diet culture presence.

There's a scene in Sex Education on Netflix where a group of girls are in detention and they bond over a mutual experience and I think a space to discuss relatable feelings or experiences would have been so beneficial. I wish that professionals had come in to discuss eating disorders and explain what they are, how to prevent them and how to deal with them because I knew absolutely nothing about anorexia before living with it. I thought anorexia was about being super skinny, but it's not. Anorexia is a mental illness and anyone of any weight can experience it. By learning about it and actually opening a discussion about positive body image, this could have helped me work through my feelings before it developed into anorexia. Heads Together, a mental health organisation, suggested that schools should work to challenge idealised notions of appearance by celebrating other qualities like children's personalities, kindness and talent. Pupils should be taught how to be kind and empathetic towards themselves to improve self-esteem and confidence. Read their full article here. Although my teachers never placed emphasis on my appearance, external factors like social media made me aware of this narrative and so now, teachers and professionals should work to counter that narrative in the classroom.

2. Mental health

A complex web of discussion, but something each of us experience in different degrees. I can't remember ever hearing the phrase 'mental health' in school. I heard the odd whisper of self-harm and depression but I didn't understand the depth of it. Often, speaking out about our troubles led to 'attention seeking' labels. We should have been given advice and tips on how to express our feelings, manage our mental health and care for ourselves emotionally. We each have unique personal experiences of mental health but learning the basics could help us down the line. We should have been taught that it's ok to have bad days and reassured that we are not failures or unworthy. There are so many tools available to help manage mental health and learning about the key ones at school like de-stressing, meditation, exercise, nourishment, sleeping well and self-acceptance will set us up for life. As children and teenagers we develop habits and traits that stay with us throughout adulthood and they can be harder the break later on - so by investing time and effort early on it should prevent ill mental health later on. We should learn early on the importance of well-being - in too many cases of mental health professionals have waited until it gets bad and reaches a certain point, rather than catching it early and preventing it.

3. Sexual health

If you haven't already watched Sex Education I seriously recommend it! Not only is it funny, but it covers SO many important issues in a compelling and light-hearted way. Let's be frank, the sex education we received at school was rubbish, it taught us no real value. I remember feeling so anxious and unprepared when it came to my first sexual relationship because I had no clue what I was doing - I must have googled what to do! Female masturbation was very much a taboo until recently and even now, that kind of open discussion about female pleasure is virtually non existent. So not only should we learning about how to have healthy sexual relationships with ourselves and our partners but we need to learn about the negative parts too - like harassment, rape and the pressure to impress. In most movies involving teenage sex it's either depicted as unrealistically romantic or a triumph at losing virginity. What sex education covers amazingly well is the complex emotions that often come with sex. Otis is yet to begin exploring masturbation let alone having sex whereas Maeve is experienced and seemingly comfortable with it. Adam is denying his sexuality whereas Eric is owning it. Amy is eager to please her boyfriends but has no real idea what she wants from sex herself. Each character's story holds something relatable. A particular scene I found incredible was in season 2, in detention each girl shares their story of sexual harassment in varying forms, it just opens our eyes to the degrees of harassment and the long-lasting impact it can have on us (if you've seen it, check out this article about Amy's storyline).

Another scene I really empathised with was when Anwar didn't know how to douche - he feels embarrassed and intimidated but his storyline shows his boyfriend supporting him and a peer explaining. There is a clear lack of sexual education in our system for anything but heterosexual relationships which needs to change.

In sex education I'd like to see discussions opening up about masturbation, hygiene, sexual assault, insecurities about having sex in relation to what we look like and how we think we should be performing, expressing sexual identity and how to tell our partners what we want from sex - and I'm sure there's more!

4. Healthy relationships

From our teenage years I feel like we're all shoved in the direction of falling in love. I remember watching romantic movies and wanting so desperately to fall in love like Allie and Noah in The Notebook. I cried my eyes out and physically felt like my heart was going to break in two at the end of the movie. I wanted to be loved like that. I remember the first boy I really cried over when I was in year 10 and I felt like I would never be happy again and never be worthy of true love. I was 14.

At that age communication was all done via texts and Facebook messenger. I would freeze at the mere thought of actually talking to a boy in person: who would help me craft a reply?! I couldn't screenshot it from my friends, I'd have to actually converse on the spot. My parents would ask 'have you got a boyfriend yet?' and I remember my happiness completely depending on other people. My mum once said to me 'I can tell you're speaking to a boy because you're so much happier' as if I would only be happy if I had someone else. Only now am I starting to grasp that concept. I spend a lot of my university experience being sad because I felt so alone without Max, and it took time for me to realise that I could still love him, without missing him.

I was never taught how to communicate effectively. Relationships impact us everyday and we need to know how to create happy ones. Max was my first ever boyfriend and I didn't know how to feel vulnerable and how to discuss my feelings openly. We should learn to apologise, to tell each other if we're upset, angry, hurt, happy or if we need help. Something I still find difficult to this day is asking for help. I have absolutely no problem writing about anorexia or if I'm having a bad day - but when it comes down to actually saying out loud 'mum I need help' or 'Max I feel really insecure today' I struggle. There are times when I feel self conscious and I can feel myself distancing myself from Max rather than opening up.

And it's not just relationships. In friendships communication is so important! It can be hard discussing our feelings if we're worried it will upset someone and sometimes, things are better left unsaid. There have been moments where I've totally regretted telling a friend how I feel because it was fleeting and unfair and there have been moments where I've wished I expressed how hurt I was. Friendships should be a happy, open space to support one another without judgement. We're also taught that friendships are great and the more friends the better - but what our education lacks, is how to let go of friendships. Sometimes they don't serve us anymore or we outgrow each other and we need to know how to 'let go'.

5. Interview / career skills

Workshops on creating a CV, applying for jobs and how to ace an interview would be so beneficial to me right now. I've got a degree and I kind of feel dumped in the deep end - what now? There isn't really any guidance on where to go from here. Similarly, I don't know about you but university seemed like the only option for me. If I didn't want to go to university I would have had to look completely solo for other means and that's pretty daunting. I thought that getting a degree was the only option for success but I know so many people who didn't go to uni, who have amazing careers. I don't regret my university experience, but I wish I had known about other options.

I also suck in interviews. My face-to-face communication severely lacks and I would love to have had some practice before starting my job hunt.

---

Emmanuelle ❀