Ditch The Bikini Bod and Negative Attitude

I've written the same blog post in various forms for the last three years, so here we go again with round 3. I finally have a job and finally have money to buy summer clothes; of which I have bought many. I tried on the Instagram worthy outfits and felt far from it. You know when you have an image of how something is going to look in your head and it doesn't look that way in reality? it is so disheartening and the dreaded tantrums begin.

Some of the clothes I bought didn't fit. Obviously I know that different shops have different sizes and it depends on the shape, material, your body etc. but it's shit nonetheless right? and no matter how hard we tell ourselves it doesn't matter, to the majority of us, it bothers us more than we'd like to think. I cried and needed some time to myself to sulk when the jumpsuit didn't fit me.

Holidays naturally spark insecurity in us. Because holidays are associated with indulging, bikinis, looking good and the beach we all strive to be a little better than we were before. I don't know how or why this started, but don't you think it's strange? that for two weeks of our year we want to look amazing? we prep for it by eating better and exercising more, but for what? If you asked me why I wanted to look fit for my holiday I don't think I could give you an answer. That's just how it is.

I need a good soul loving two weeks of sun. You know those phases you go through when you just feel ugly? for some reason your skin breaks out, you feel bloated alllllll the time, your hair is limp, just every little thing that could possibly be wrong with your appearance is. I absolutely think that since anorexia I am more in tune with my body which is both a blessing and a curse: I notice how my body reacts and feels more intensely than before.

I value my inner beauty so much and I value other people's too. I do believe that good thoughts shine through your body, but when you feel rubbish and that effects your mindset, it causes a cycle of insecurity.

ANYWAY onto some positivite vibes. How can you tan away your insecurities and dress yourself in love?

Imagine you're at the beach. The sun has been shining on the sand all day and slightly burn your feet as you walk along. You feel a slight refreshing breeze as the waves unfold beneath your toes. Your hair is kissed by the sandy strands as they swipe the side of your cheek. You lay down on your towel and feel the sunshine warm your entire body through to your bones. Doesn't it sound perfect? until you start to feel self conscious of that little bit of fat on your stomach and legs.

Do not ruin your experience by wishing you looked different. Because you don't. Rock your body with your head held high, because a happy body and a happy face and a happy soul is the most attractive thing to anyone.

Ok, maybe you've put on a little weight or you feel a bit bloated after that meal. Do you really wish you'd skipped that delicious meal? I hope the answer is no. You're still at the beach, in the sunshine, with your loved ones, enjoying your holiday! your weight nor your appearance should take that away from you. You will be full of regret if you look back one day and wonder why you missed out on so much.

In truth, I'll probably be conscious of what I eat some days, I'll probably suck in my stomach for photos and pass on the dessert. I'm not perfect at performing self-love nor confidence in my appearance. But all I want is for us to try and not to care what we look like. When we feel self doubt creeping up on us, strike it down immediately and own it! Wear whatever the hell you want, eat whatever the hell you want and don't compare or get jealous when you look at other people.

Instagram will be jam packed with abs and bikini's, its inevitable. If it's going to effect you negatively then don't look at it, harder said than done I know. Instead of getting jealous and looking at yourself in comparison; look at what you do love about yourself. But don't praise idolise nor put down the women that you see, because they face the same inner battles as you and without love and support from each other, we'll never find it within. We all love a pretty snap of ourselves and if you want to add a photo to the collection, then do it!!

I bet you all have lush new bikinis with pretty patterns that will give you annoying tan lines. I bet you're all excited to eat the masses of food you're going to be indulging in. I bet you're excited at the chance of a holiday romance. I bet you're looking forward to some downtime away from work. I bet you want to be happy. You can be if you let the sunshine burn any negative thoughts and let the ocean sweep confidence into your heart.

I feel damn self-conscious. The little podge at my stomach tells me to eat less and exercise more. I want to look cute in my sundresses and bikini. I acknowledge that I feel these things but I'm going to challenge them. I am determined to be myself and love myself in the next two weeks. I'm not going to worry about what I eat or if I'm walking enough. I desperately want to do a holiday outfit blog post and that is my main goal for my holiday which I am really excited for, so I'm going to do that and feel bloody amazing in everything.

Remember that there is no such thing as a bikini body. You're all beautiful. And you all deserve the same chance to be happy.

"You may be the prettiest daisy, but you're unable to be appreciative of your form simply because you're so obsessed with becoming a sunflower" Emmanuelle